Do what you want.
Has become my newly developed constitution, I pledge to uphold to myself.

You see, in doing what you want, it enables variations of things such as

Free Will. We all have the power and the capability to make choices. I do believe that every step, decision, we make leads to the path we have marked in our life. Everything does happen for a reason but it’s the PART OF YOU, that has made those choices because in our subconcious, we wanted to all along. Free will is like the manifestion of the person, you want to be.

Right and Wrong: Moral compass I doing what you want requires a battle of the right and wrong. If you allow yourslf the freedom to make choices base on your natural instinct and desire, you are incline to do what in connotation is right and wrong for you. For example, i think cheating is wrong. So therefore I want do it. Not because it’s a societal taboo, but simply because I don’t want to. This leads me to my arugement that everyone has a moral compass. But we’re so caught up in trying to prove ourselves to others whether its the goody-person image or the rebel-image. When we “do what we want” it inspires honesty and confidence, which ultimatetly society and the universe must learn to accept and appreciate.

Freedom. I have tossed this word around alot. I value my freedom and strkingly fierce independence. I am defiant. I am what I want to be and hope to become. Freedom is not determination but an evaluation of your choices, opprutinities and to make them. Their are limitations in life such as financial obligations, governmental duties, friend/family opinions, but none of the less we choose to abise these limitations. Or else we’d be lost without some sort of foundation or support. Some how we chose to be morally obligated to a child, because there are parents who don’t give a rat ass where their kid will end up. We chose to pay the bills – because we chose to spend money. It’s a give or take. You sk where is the freedom? Well my friends it is simple physics: for every action there is a reaction. You simply choose what action you take and can sometimes predict the counter reaction, that is the power human beings have: logic and abstract thinking.

Truth. This principle as simple as it sounds is suprisingly difficult to execute. How so? We tend to overanalyze and think of everything which sometimes causes hesistation. IN hesistation we refute and sometimes side-step important questions, connections, within our relationships with peers, family, and lovers. In doing what you want, you will come to a clear distinct truth. You’ll might not what to go to this party because you don’t like a certain person. Which is a fine, rather than the denial and reasonable logic of: I should go because I was invited, and thus result in a miserable time and awkard tensions.

Truth is often consider overrated, that is simply because we fear it and avoid it. But yet we yearn for it and desire it. It’s time we get past our complexities as individuals and learn to embrace to full force the time of person we are with our flaws and qualities, weaknesses and strengths, beauties and uglies of our nature. That is truth. Being comfortable in your skin. I like to read. I use to be afraid to admit this since some people consider it dorky and a bit dull, but once i admit it to myself and embraced my inner dorkness, forget it, all bets where off. And now within my immediate circle my peers have learn to embrace as a bravery and admire my confidence of my being. I am who I am. I do what I want.

Desire. What is desire? Desire to me is defined as doing what you want, what pleases you, your fantasies. Desire is labeled as such a bad thing because it is usually associated with sex. Women desire men. Men desire women. Or if you’re homosexual –the same sex. Whatever the case might be. Desire applies to the things you want must whether it’s a dvd, a person, a virtue. Desire only becomes dangerous when it leads to obession, envy, greed, and various deadly sins. Too much of anything is bad enough. But at it’s purity, desire is a life force. For example, some people desire sex, others desire sex with an intimate partner, others desire abstinence. It is all sex related but with different desires. The problem with desire becomes when you’re desire is mimicking that of anothers person desire. Using the sex example, just because my friends are sexually active does not mean I should desire the same sexually active lifestyle. Again, it’s doing what you want. I don’t want to, therefore I don’t.

Life. it is too short to spend it agonizing over problems, insecurities, doubts, and dilemnas. A year seems so far away but 12 months seems rapid, 52 weeks seems sudden. Some things require planning others are unplanned but they’re still rooted in your desire. Be confident in your choices, if it means stepping back and asking, what do i want? do so. But if your mind begins to wonder towards the “what would people think and react” stop thinking.

Most of the world citzens have pursued things they wanted. For example, Angelina Jolie wanted to adopt children, she did. Society was hesistate but she was still confident and thus resulted in a popular trend of adoption. In turn she helped the world..only by a simple action of desire. (im sure others can other negatively – don’t be judgemental). Ghandi – Wanted equal and liberation of India from the the Britain Trade company, this simple “do what I want” philosophy led him to be the figure of nonviolent movements and resulted in India’s independence. \

One can also argue negative impacts such as Hitler – he wanted a new race and the death of jews, therefore he executed them and establish the third reich. He suceeded but noy only because of his will but because other people followed him, some because they wanted to, facism, others did it because they “had no other choice”. If those people did not agree and did what they wanted to, Hitler would’ve been stopped sooner.

It is important to remember what matters it’s to be yourself. Not an image developed from others that you have adopted OF YOURSELF. In doing so you can be honest and confident. The universe has it’s balancing system, karma. for every action there is a reaction whether its good or bad. risk it. take it. see what happens. live it.


I am officially 21 ladies and gentlemen!

i will write in this later.

They say, laughter is the closest distance between two people. They couldn’t be anywhere near more right.

just have two videos for this post. i’m too like blah to write what i feel or think. i hope this is enough.

wish you were emotionally there for me like you are with other people. here’s to the shaft end of “backing off”

come back down – lifehouse

The Fray – Trust me

dedicated to my sister.

A video about Darfur. Green Day – Working Class Hero.

A video of changes. “What I’ve Done” – Linkin Park

I have a dream – Common

Education Struggle of the Lower SES class in America.
Feauturring clips from the move “Freedom Writers”

you say it’s hard enough to live
don’t tell me that it’s over
Stand up!

I feel my vision slipping in and out of focus,
But I’m pushing on for that horizon,
I’m pushing on,
Now I’ve got the blowing wind against my face

It’s not so bad

Higher and higher,
We’re gonna take it,
Down to the wire,
We’re gonna make it,
Out of the fire,
Higher and higher.

– the killers

So (deep breath), I told everyone. My family and close by friends. It was a relief. Also comforting to know the different takes but just that the love and support is there. I can’t wait until this weekend when I go home, to be sanctuary, and just give my heart to the Lord.

I have to admit that I haven’t talked to the big man upstairs, God yet. It’s hard when you’re in a dorm room. That’s why I’m looking forward to going home.

I love the new killers song bling (confessions of a king). It’s very motivational and heart breaking. I just think “its not so bad”.
My friends did that for me. I am honestly thankful for Kellee, Quita, and Sonny, Walter. I still have to tell Serge but I know things can’t go nowhere but up when you’re down. I can’t express how much their support means to me. But I’m grateful.

Well no more of this. At least for now. I wanted to write down some other things actually.

Movie Review

I saw these two movie today in which I totally appreciated, hated, loved, and was in awe by it. Bulsworth. & Wag the Dog..

Bulworth review:

It’s a Senatorial campaign feature on incumbent Senator Jay Billington Bulworth. The guy hires his someone to kill himself on the campaign trail in California but realize his life is worth living. He has this transformation in which he becomes a true honest politician with a sharp tongue and bluntness exposing the evils of politicians in Capitol Hill. Money.

There’s a line in a movie that struck me ” You got to be a spirit! You can’t be no ghost”. And that’s what great men and women who tried to change the establishments in this country have become: ghosts in our past. Examples that come into mind are Martin Luther King, John F. Kennedy, Gandhi, and others who were assassinated or ideas forgotten. Why? Because the true change is in policy of these actions.

This movie unveiled with Obscenity, the political correctness and taboo-topics, that candidates and politicians alike shy away from. I was moved by the realness of it all. Although, at first I sneered and scoffed at the betrayal of the “ghettoness” and the unprofessionalism the movie took. But isn’t that what drives scandal in the political world? Anything out of the ordinary that shakes up pre-existing establishment?

But it all panned out in the end. Into an A-HA! moment in which it all came into consensus. The poverty, the uninsured, and the business, everything interconnected in one moment: defiance.

Wag the dog:
robert de niro & dustin hoffman - Wag the Dog

The second movie that engrave skepticism in my government is Wag the Dog. It’s a spin on a political consultant doing everything in his power and beyond control to have the President re-elect, to such lengths he even created a WAR with a Hollywood producer.

Two things stuck out to me in this film: One was the idea of taking credit. And the other was that how well crafted anything political is. And how mass media and the belief that is given into stories are accepted without question but fed off fear? It was unnerving the conformity of the public, the CIA, and those in motion to support the production of a “real war”. I ask myself and wonder, if I’d have the courage to investigate? Or simply conform? Not an easy thing to deal.

But anyway, I suggest you watch those films whether you are a political junkie or not. They’re really quite entertaining. I mean you have Halle Berry in one and then Dustin Hoffman and Robert de Niro in another. What do you have to loose? Rent it. And do some thinking, go with it.

“But my heart, it don’t beat, it don’t beat the way it used to.
And my eyes, they don’t see you no more.
.., and my eyes don’t recognize you no more.

For reasons unknown; for reasons unknown.”

There’s something about music that can explain the unexplainable. I found these lyrics to be –literal.

Have you ever had one of those days that appeared to be normal only to have your world turned upside within a span of 5 minutes? I laugh every time I think of it. We walk around for a week, immortal, as if we have some sort of invincibility card. Sadly, reality comes crashing down faster and sooner than expect – without bells or warnings. Shit Happens. Pretty much how I feel today.

I confronted my mortality. I faced the reality that we are human down to the very last cell in our bodies. Health is extremely important. I didn’t realize how much a disease could affect your everyday life. Thinking about it exhausts me. I truly admire people who deal with Alzheimer’s, HIV/aids/, Glaucoma, Parkinson’s, Diabetes, and other diseases and disabilities. I can’t imagine the pain, the strength, the morality, those individuals must confront.

I have nothing of that sorts. Just a rare one. It started off with a normal eye exam in which I wanted to replace my eyeglasses for contacts. Things weren’t going so well at a routine eye exam. The staff and the doctor began consulting each other, papers shuffling around, and confusion marred their faces. Nothing of that sorts. Yeah right.

I answered all the questions to the best of my ability. The optometrist curiously and patiently ran a series of eye tests to explain the unexplainable. Until Eureka, a scarring in my cornea was discovered. He began explaining the cause to my distortions, double vision, and blurry symptoms. I can lump it all together in one phrase, advanced keratoconus. Never in my life have I heard of that disease or even the word.

Basically it’s when there is a bulge growing in your cornea that causes refraction of light in your eyes, hence the distortion and blurriness produced. Normally it affects one eye but sometimes both, and it’s slowly progressive from a time frame of 5-10 years. But not in my case, keratoconus supersped in a span of one year. He went over treatments, in which I, aimlessly nod to, until the words transplant surgery pulled me from my reverie. Dr. Durkin explained that I needed some type of surgery to replace my damaged cornea with a transplant cornea.

Those are probably the most scariest words I have ever heard, transplant and surgery. I’m not to fond of surgeries much less hospitals much less anything foreign in my body. So you can understand my fear. Not to mention the risks that come along with transplants. But nevertheless, it’s real. I’m surprise I took it as well. Make no mistake their was inner turmoil inside, I just simply pushed down the threat of tears with simple gulp, as I booked the appoint with a Cornea specialist, took down the name, nodded to the address, nodded to the instructions, and continued to nod like a mindless idiot.

Sigh. So much for a normal senior year. I couldn’t breathe to tell you the truth. I’m a very cautious person. I like to know what’s going on and like to know all the possibility, including the ugly risks that come along with it. I had no idea how I was going to tell my uncle, my mom, my little sisters. I don’t like to worry the people I love. Worry is one of the lasts things I want to do.
I laugh to myself now, that’s the first thing I thought about, how am I gonna tell them? I don’t want to worry my family, and I better tell them so they can have their eyes checked.

But, no man or woman can be their own island. So I called the first person that could pull me from my frantic senses, my uncle. Thank God for the strength he gave him to calm me down. I then called my sister, in her words “emotionally strong”, I was prepared for her break down. Dont get me wrong she’s just as strong as I am but when it comes to something happening to a loved one, she feels deeply. I couldn’t help but breakdown with her. I pulled my self together after that. I have to be strong about this.

I just have to tell the last person I share everything with, my mother. God Bless her soul, I hope she takes it well. We’re a team you see. We both are strong and level-headed, as long as we’re okay, everybody is okay. But when one of us are not okay, the family becomes unstable. But I have faith that we will unite under this new problem and surpass it. And like I tell my self, This too shall pass.

And once we’re all standing under a united front, we’ll be able to confrt the little one, my baby sister Vasti. No matter how atrong or bold or level-headed you are, that test comes when you have tell a little one what’s going on and that everything is going to be okay. Because you are force to tell the truth to such innocence and believe the same words you are saying.

No matter how strong we might think we are, we still need love and support to get through life’s challenges. No matter how unexpected suitations are, we still have control of things. No matter how scary a disease seems, we still have the power of God to heal all. And this too shall pass. No matter how scared I am out of my mind, this too shall pass

For more information on keratonocus. click here

There’s no turnng back, I caved in!

I finaly decided to start up one of my own blogs. Writing has become one of my subtle passions that i have neglected, but my inner ball-pen fingers could not resist. No more flamsy excuses. bold statemets, coming soon.